Nine Things That Piss Me Off And Why Everyone Should Stop Doing Them

I’d like to say that the following are just my issues with things, but then I’d be lying. There’s bound to be other people like me. I hope. I don’t want to be that one crabby guy.

*All Images From Google

 

One: Expecting Me To Tip You When You Clearly Do Not Deserve It

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I hate the societal protocol that an individual must tip whomever is serving them. I don’t mind tipping, actually, and will often do so when I receive excellent service. I just absolutely despise the concept.

Why?

Because it makes every bastard in the world believe he/she has a right to be tipped. Like they have some law allowing them to stick their grubby hands down your pant pocket and fish out your wallet and hard-earned cash, regardless of however they treat you. That’s not okay with me and it seriously aggravates me whenever I meet some blockhead who expects me to fork over extra bills after they’ve spent the whole time frowning, grumbling, and shoving my food into my chest. Nuh uh. You want my money, you earn my money.

It’s not that hard. At least, act like I’m not the worst person in the world for making you get up and do your job. Even in restaurants, there’s the occasional guy or girl whose attitude just screams that they don’t want to do jack. If you don’t want to do jack, then don’t show up. Quit or something. Find a better job. I know it’s lousy dealing with people, every day, minute after minute, but I haven’t treated you like shit. (Not yet, anyway. Test me though.) So don’t look at me like I’m shit. Don’t talk to me like I’m some turd someone forgot to flush. And don’t ever expect this ‘poop thing’ to give you money.

Like said before, I don’t mind tipping people. I tip a lot of people all the time. In fact, there are a few regulars who come by my place just because they like me. (Okay, it’s probably because I tip well, but whatever.) But, there are some instances where I do. not. tip. And I do not regret it. Oh, I’ll initially feel like a bad person and all, but then I get the sarcastic “What? No tip?” response accompanied with outstretched hand, and those feelings vanish instantly. I then promptly slam my door in their face. With force.

It wasn’t always like that, but years of this and I am done. No more.

So. now when my friends and I go out to eat and we’re all ready to split the bill and tip, I am the first to say, if necessary (we were serviced badly), we aren’t leaving any tip. Nothing.

 

Two: Putting A “Cute, Fashionable, Safety-Thing” Leash On Your Child And Telling Me It’s Not A Leash

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If you’re going to basically put a leash on your baby, then put an actual leash on her/him. Stop with the ‘pretend’ leash. That’s like placing a vanilla frosted cupcake with sprinkles in front of me and then telling me it’s a muffin.

It’s definitely not a muffin.

I don’t buy it, you don’t buy it, even the cupcake knows it’s not a muffin. So why are you telling me it’s a muffin?

That’s stupid and irritating.

I don’t agree with the whole ‘leashing’ your child thing. If you have to strap your child into these animal book bags to keep them from running away you’re either one of the following:

a) really lazy

b) have ADHD, because you are easily distracted from keeping an eye on your child

c) always wanted one of those tiny rat dogs, but got a child instead

Either way, you’re a terrible excuse for a parent.

And I get that sometimes, accidents happen and you don’t mean to look away or your child suddenly has the strength of Popeye and rips from your arms, but there has to be a line drawn somewhere – however thin it is. You want to prevent those bizarre happenings. Fine. Okay. But spare your and your child’s dignity, and use an actual leash and certainly don’t call it a “Child Safety Harness”.

Don’t lie to me. You put your baby on a leash. Whatever, not my problem. Just don’t tell me it’s a muffin, when it’s not a muffin.

 

Three: Not Telling Other People That There Is No More Toilet Paper When Exiting The Stall

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Are you even human?

I’m not kidding. If you’re one of those people who exit a stall and don’t inform the next person coming in that there is no more toilet paper left because you either used up the last bit or decided to use your hands or jeans (ew), then fuck you. I hate you. Don’t talk to me. Ever.

Honestly, where is the humanity? The basic common decency we as humans share with one another. You don’t have to like me; heck, you don’t even have to know me – but if you are a good human being, a heads up would be bloody fantastic. A simple “Hey, there’s no toilet paper left” would suffice. I’d even accept hand motions or words from another language like “No… no papel”. Just something.

This way, I and everyone else who has to use the bathroom after you can avoid being stuck in the stall for who knows how long until some good samaritan can fetch us a roll.

If I ever find one of you people, I will feed you hundreds of spicy burritos and then lock you in outhouse with just a pail – not a bucket, a pail – and leave you there. For hours. Then I’ll come back and give you some leaves (for your sake, they better not be poison ivy) for you to wipe up your fecal matter. That’s right. Leaves.

You don’t deserve the toilet paper.

 

Four: Passing Two Or More Cars In One Go

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Tempting isn’t it?

No, actually.

I get very anal when drivers decide to pass more than one car. Why? Isn’t obvious? Because it’s not safe.

You’re going to get killed.

You’re going to get others killed.

You’re going to get me killed, you jack-ass.

When your car collides with some semi that you didn’t see coming nor could you avoid because now that you’ve zoomed past three cars there is no other space for you to slip back in, I hope you reflect over every single life behind you that is going to most likely get hit by your flying vehicle debris in the five seconds you have left to live. I hope you regret it. I hope you feel that kind of pain in your soul. You deserve it, for cutting off our lives short as well.

When drivers do this illegal thing and apparently what some refer to as ‘fancy-driving’ (what the hell?), they endanger every single person within the proximity. There could be mothers with their babies smashed inside destroyed mini-vans, you murderer. Or golden retrievers with their heads lying severed on the ground from the glass of the window they were sticking their heads out of prior to your reckless actions.

The pile-up that results from that big kind of accident also blocks traffic and causes all kind of problems on the road. Suddenly, poor Jim can’t get to his job interview or Sally can’t make it to her date. And then what. You ruined their day, asshole. Fuck you.

 

Five: Doing Everything You Can To Get Me To Ask You What’s Wrong And Then Saying “Nothing.”

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If nothing’s wrong, then why’d you freaking get me to ask you? Why not just be quiet, stop your dramatic sighing, and leave me the hell alone. See, I have no problem listening to someone’s problems and I am always glad to help if my help is needed. Just ask me. It’s very simple and I won’t get angry.

But, sigh repeatedly, bump my desk ‘accidentally’, or keep staring at me with an intensity that makes me begin to question whether I should fear for my life is not they way to go about doing things. All that crap is just annoying and makes me want to help you less.

But, maybe you’re shy and you don’t know how to come out and say you need my assistance or you need someone to talk to so you do these things to get my/someone’s attention. Okay, well now you have it. So now what?

Oh that’s right, you tell me/someone, “it’s nothing.” That’s even more annoying and makes me want to punch you in the face. I could be buying you an ice cream or soda. Instead, I’m picturing myself slapping you.

Even a “Something is wrong, I’m just not too comfortable talking about it” is better. At least, I know for sure something is wrong and while I might not be able to worm it out of you what exactly is wrong, I have somewhat of a means/idea to help you feel better. At the very minimum, I’m not feeling guilty while you sulk in a corner apparently over “nothing”.

 

Six: Bringing ‘Babies’ To Movies Definitely Not Suited To Their Age

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For example, when I went to see The Purge there were eight year olds there with their mums and dads. Now, it’s not any of my business whether y’all want to permanently scar your kids minds at such an early age. Expose them to that kind of violence, I don’t care. Ultimately, that is the parents’ decision. Of course, it might call to question their parenting skills, but that’s not the point.

The point is, that eight year old kids do not know how to act when viewing such a ‘mature’ movie. The screaming that happened form those kids was so continuous and loud, I could not enjoy the movie at all. That thriller was not suited for eight year olds ergo don’t bring eight year olds to see it. There are movies for them to watch. I don’t want your kids destroying my movie experience.

I had to pay money for my movie tickets. Unless someone’s willing to recompense that, don’t bring your bratty children. Don’t do it or I will then be forced to entertain myself by throwing buttery popcorn into/at your hair. I have done it before.

What else is there to do? I can’t see the movie because I can’t even properly hear the movie. It’s not my fault.

So if you don’t want me doing horrifying and disgusting things to your person without your knowledge, then don’t bring your kids. Leave them at home or watch another movie.

 

Seven: Borrowing Something And Never Returning It Back/Returning It Damaged

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Do I even need to elaborate on this one?

Everyone gets annoyed by this. If we’re going to share something, then bring it back. That’s the key part to sharing. If I had wanted you to keep it, I would have given it to you. Not lent it.

I absolutely hate it when something of mine is not returned. I don’t mind the small things like pens, etc. Everyone can keep those. What I’m talking about are books, bags, shirts, DVDs, etc. Those big things. Those sometimes very important things.

Return them now. Give them back.

It’s been like three months. Any time now.

But worse that borrowing something and never returning it back, is returning back something damaged. That, that, is an offense. Go buy me another one if you destroyed whatever I lent you. That’s the correct thing to do if you damage someone else’s belongings.

And do not, do not, do not.

Do. Not. Ever.

Ever. Ever. Ever.

Tell me, it was already like that when you got it.

I will throw you into a volcano.

 

Eight: Assigning Responsibilities Without Informing What They Were

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How do you expect me to perform my duties, if I don’t know what they are? That’s retarded. There’s no way I will get anything done because I don’t know what to do.

Assuming I can read minds only makes you feel good temporarily. When you come back and see I’ve done absolutely nothing of what you wanted to do, you’ll be mad and I’ll be mad because it’s not my fault you’re mad.

Lesson to everyone. If you want something done right, clearly voice what you want done or do it yourself.

Sometimes, I come back home to find messages from people asking me if I did this or that, etc. and when I reply, “No”, suddenly I’m the most terrible person in the world.

Was I in charge of the essay? I wasn’t aware of that.

Am I taking care of your dog? I don’t think so since I saw you three days ago and you never said a word about it.

Food and drinks? What food and drinks?

Where exactly is your child? I don’t know. With his babysitter maybe.

I am his babysitter? Since when?

These kind of things also happen when people choose to talk to people who know me and ask them to tell me about these things, instead of coming to me.

Remember the game “Telephone”? Where one person whispers into someone else’s ear sentence and that person whisper’s into the next person’s ear, continuing all the way to the last person who shouts out what he/she heard. By the end of the long chain, the sentence is no where near the same as the original. That’s because word of mouth distorts things as the messages is passed on.

That is exactly what happens when someone tells someone else to tell someone else to do something. They’re not going to do what you want them to do because by the time it reaches them, if it even does at all, it’s not the same responsibility you assigned to begin with. And then you dare get mad? That mess could have been spared had you just talked to the person you needed to do something.

So no. You’re not allowed to get mad.

 

Nine: Trying To Get Me To Say Sorry For Something I’m Obviously Not Sorry For

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“Don’t say sorry if you don’t mean it.”

We’re taught that since we were bitty kids. But why does it never come to use? Everyone expects you to say sorry regardless of whether you’re sorry or not.

Sorry means you regret your actions and you will try your best to never repeat the same actions.

When you’re not sorry, it’s the opposite. You probably will do the same thing over again. And when you do, people will call you a liar because you had said you weren’t going to repeat your mistakes. Pointless, right?

I don’t say sorry unless I mean it. Or at least, that was my initial policy. Over the years, I’ve had to succumb to the demands of others in order to maintain the peace around me. As disgusting as it is, it’s much easier to apologize and be done with the whole mess rather than prolong it and create a whole bigger problem than before.

Of course, it’s not fun and a burning anger always rises in me whenever I say sorry for something I am not sorry for. Because I know I’m being a scum bag. I’m lying outright and that sometimes is even worse than what I had done before the fake apology.

And everyone knows I’m not sorry too. So it’s all basically for show.

Done. ARGHHHHHHH!

 

 

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Posted on May 19, 2014, in My Blog and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 13 Comments.

  1. I understand each and every one of these pet peeves of yours. The only difference between you and me is, to me they’re not pet peeves. They are major psychotic fucking hatreds.

  2. That was a good bedtime story thanks ;3

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