The IB Life
Alright, I’ve been asked “Why do you keep mentioning IB Miko? What’s so important about it?”. And while I’m sure you can just google it, I’ve done something much much much better in explaining the IB life.
I went to the IB Quotes site (a site I frequent all the time when I need to hysterically laugh or cry or both – it never fails) and copy and pasted all the top quotes there. Well most of them. Anyways, I think they’re funny because I get them, but in a way, these quotes do far BETTER in explaining what IB really is, than me just writing a paragraph.
It also makes me smile. And I need to smile.
Favorite IB Quotes
*Note: If you’re not in IB, there’ll be a few you don’t get. It’s okay though, go ahead and laugh anyways*
The day I ditched school for homework.
teacher to students: now write your name on this notecard.
Student 1: OK
Student 2: This is easy!
IB Teacher to IB students: now write your name on this notecard
IB Student 1: how big?
IB Student 2: which corner?
IB Student 3: cursive or print?
IB Student 4: do we need to put our whole middle name or just our middle initial?
IB Student 5: What if we don’t have a middle name?
IB Student 6: Is pencil okay?
IB Student 7: Do you want it on the side with lines or the blank side?
and we are wondering why IB is so hard
This is IB, you may pick 2 of the following:
1. Good Grades
2. Enough Sleep
3. A Social Life
You know you’re in IB when you procrastinate by doing “less important” homework.
Writing a TOK essay is like being constipated. It hurts like hell and you produce crap very slowly.
Patricia: Do you think they’ll have alcohol at the IB Christmas Party?
Genie: …IB kids drinking? Can you imagine us drunk? We would be like… “HAHA YOUR FACE IS A PARABOLA.”
Fuck IB, I’m going to Hogwarts.
IB pickup line:
Baby, I’ll treat you like my homework. I’ll slam you on the table and do you all night long.
If you are in IB and you ever find yourself without any homework to do one evening then one of the following events must be true:
1. You’re forgetting something.
2. Something is wrong with your planner.
3. You’re about to wake up in a few minutes.
IB Student to her aunt: I can’t talk right now, this is IB hell week.
Aunt: I hate to break this to you, but real life is harder than highschool.
(IB Student laughs hysterically)
Coordinator: Hey Guys! There’s a Blood Donation session tomorrow, I hope you can make it!
Student: Do we get CAS hours??
Rebel: Sneaks out/in of their house when they’re supposed to be sleeping.
IB Rebel: Sneaks around own house to print homework when they’re supposed to be sleeping.
Student: So I was wondering… Why aren’t we allowed to take five HL classes?
IB Coordinator: Because it looks bad for the IB program when students commit suicide.
When asked to comment on the IB a student replied: “I’d commit suicide but I don’t have the time.”
Only in IB can you bullshit a 10 page commentary on a poem less than 10 words.
When an IB Coordinator says “Jump!” an IB freshmen asks “How high?”
Two years later the IB Coordinator says “Jump!” and the IB Junior asks “Where’s the nearest cliff?”
IB – the best condom in the world.
Teacher is explaining differentiation to the class
SL Maths Student: Are we ever going to use this in real life?
Teacher: Of course.
SL Maths Student: When?
Teacher: In the exam.
I used to have a life. Then I started cheating on it with IB, and me and life got a divorce.
In IB we don’t believe in miracles… We rely on them!
*sung to the tune of the 12 days of christmas*
On the first day of IB my teachers gave to me …
11 long equations
10 mental breakdowns
9 questions begging
8 textbooks slamming
7 days of working
6 broken pencils
5 PAPER 3s!
4 thousand words
3 hours sleep
2 broken wrists
AND A LOUSY MARK THAT KILLED ME!!!
ToK in a Nutshell:
The Question: How do we know?
The Answer:We don’t.
The good thing about IB is that you know that when you’re up at three am working on an essay, you can can pretty much call anyone for help because chances are they’re up working on that essay too.
Teacher: “What is the main cause of deforestation?”
Students: *Lifts up their homework*
The number 45 never looked so high until now…
IB Student: i wish i had a universal remote control
IB Student: i would stop time
IB Student: and then
IB Student: do hw
You know you’re IB when you spend more time editing a paper than writing it because you’re over the word count.
IB Courses: $2400
Exam Retakes: $600
Graphing Display Calculator: $120
English Books/Plays: $50
School Supplies: $100
TOK teaching you it was all for nothing: PRICELESS
“You shall not pass”
-Gandalf on IB
Student: Hey I came up with a joke! Want to hear it?
Physics teacher: Okay sure
Student: Okay, what happens when you get stabbed by 1 over T?
Physics teacher: You calculate the frequency of how much you get stabbed?
Student: No, it “hertz”.
Physics teacher: Hey you guys do you want to hear another joke?
Physics teacher: I just marked your quizzes.
IB Kid 1: Hey, want to hear a joke?
IB Kid 2: Yeah, sure.
IB Kid 1: Our social lives.
(both roll on the floor laughing)
You decide to laminate your review sheet to study in the shower.
Honors Student: So, what did you do for your birthday?
IB Student: A chemistry formal lab write-up.
Honors Student: Well, did you do anything fun?
IB Student: Yes, I managed to get to bed before midnight. It was wonderful.
IB helps you with stress management. It throws all this stress at you and says, ‘Manage it!’ Then you have your breakdown and you get over it.
Woman: So you are in IB?
IB Student: Yes
Woman: I have heard nothing but great things about IB!
IB Student: *snicker and mumbles*
Woman: What was that?
IB Student: Oh nothing.
Woman: Oh, anyways, I want to get my daughter into IB when she hits High School, what would you suggest?
*IB student and baby exchange terrified glances*
IB Student: Um…
Woman: Oh one second. I’ll be right back, here watch my daughter *Hands IB Student the baby and walks away*
*IB student places baby on the ground*
IB student: RUN CHILD RUN! YOUR MOTHER DOESN’T LOVE YOU! GO WHILE YOU STILL HAVE A CHANCE AT LIFE!!!
Isn’t it funny how in the real world 50 hours community servie is a punishment while in IB its a requirement?
(a while ago it was 15o hours)
If you think you’re doing the IB, you’re wrong. The IB’s doing you.
During a break in the biology mock exam:
IB Student 1: What’s evolution?
IB Student 2: It’s when we finish this exam and half of us drop dead so that only the people who are smart enough move on to the next mock.
IB Student 1: Did you understand a word of that math lecture?
IB Student 2: No, I was finishing the physics homework instead.
IB Student 3: Oh my god, do you understand the physics unit?!
IB Student 2: No, I was doing my math homework during the lecture.
The realization of actually being in IB hit me when I decided not to wear my seatbelt in the car becuase I would prefer to go to the hospital rather than go to school.
“IB is like an abusive husband, you know you should leave but you can’t because you have a life together even if that life occasionally beats you, calls you names, and makes you feel like killing yourself.”- Jordan S.
We nerds will rule the land, because you cannot kill what already has no life.
CB IB Ottawa
You know you’re IB when you use Facebook as a way to discuss homework, classes, and teachers.
Standard teacher walks into IB Classroom to talk to IB teacher.
Standard teacher: Man, these kids look tired.
IB Teacher: Seeing a well-rested IB student is like seeing a unicorn.
You know your in the IB if your school has this traffic sign posted in the parking lot.
Caution: Kids might throw themselves in front of your car.
You know when you’re doing IB when:
You start crying if you lost your TI-83/4 calculator.
When you join IB, you have frequent urges to run away screaming, but the wieght of your bookbag does not allow it.
~LHS IB Fresh
An IB graduate skills.
immune to caffeine.
can function on little or no sleep.
Knows how to wright 4000 words of professional sounding jargon.
Is able to ask his or her long dead relatives for help completing projects by 5 in the morning.
Knows Stalin better than his grandmother.
AP students wet their pants when they see their workload.
IB students wet their pants because they have no time to go to the toilet.
The International Baccalaureate: The only educational program owned, run, and sponsered by satan himself.
Only in the IB can you be thinking so hard about something that you get into an argument with yourself about it, lose the argument and then refuse to talk to yourself for days.
Now I understand why 42 is the answer to life, the universe, and everything. See, it means a 7 on all IB subjects. (excluding the 3 bonus points, of course)
The only way to pass ToK is to prove it does not exist.
“Remember how they told you that real life is harder than IB? Um. They lied.”
-Former IB Student
QUOTE #2957 (my favorite!)
You Know You’re In IB When …
1. You are already planning where your lockers will be next year.
2. At least 4 of your classes (history, english, TOK, psychology) are talking about almost the same thing, or at least you think they are … it could be an illusion … maybe you’re not in class at all …
3. You start walking in geometric circles.
4. You start analyzing random books, song lyrics, and street signs.
5. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing you’ve said it before.
6. A good night’s sleep is 5 hours.
7. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing you’ve said it before.
8. You can’t enjoy a heart-warming cartoon because the French grammar is wrong.
9. You have made up complicated metaphors relating your love life to a card game and have fun doing it.
10. 16 + 2 = … wait, let me get my graphing calculator!
11. The idea of “getting off on tangents” is hilariously funny.
12. You start overanalyzing the rainbows on people’s clothing.
13. You write a newsletter half in Latin.
14. Your Physics teacher knows how to say “outstanding” in over 30 languages, yet chooses “cool beans!”
15. You need a graphing calculator to bake.
16. You’re disappointed when you only get 100% on a test.
17. You’re smarter than all your teachers … no, that just means you’re in public school.
18. You relax vicariously through your non-IB friends (what non-IB friends???).
19. You forget to breathe.
20. Your backpack is heavier than you are.
21. You realize that something is missing when your backpack feels too light.
22. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing you’ve said it before.
23. You complain that you can’t store notes on your graphing calculator for the IB English exam.
24. You write parodies of Faulkner’s work for fun.
25. You attempt to do your extended essay on Dr. Seuss.
26. Your idea of a 3 AM party game is analyzing the socio-political commentary in Dr. Seuss.
27. You complain about studying for your foreign language exam … in multiple foreign languages.
28. You write stories and give them to other people to analyze for you because you don’t understand them.
29. You were a pair of antennae (deedleyboppers) on your head and think you’re a water molecule.
30. The fact that “wear” is spelled wrong in #29 bothers you. a lot.
31. You forget the meaning of the words “free time” yet remember the meaning of “literary analysis” (n. )
32. You have complicated dreams about graphing circles and ellipses.
33. You take over the hallways in the morning before school, unloading your bookbag and settling in for a 30-minute homework party.
34. You walk in the movement patterns of a knight to improve your chess strategy while you nap on your way to your next class.
35. You have theological discussions at parties
36. You have theoretical physics discussions at parties.
37. The number on your screen name corresponds to the page number that character you use for your screen name has an appearance in the book you got it from.
38. Whenever you’re watching a movie you find all the motifs and themes … without trying.
39. “Friends” and “fellow IBers” are interchangeable.
40. You go to bed at 3 AM and think, “Oh, it’s an early night!”
41. Your favorite saying is “If I get a hundred on every test for the rest of the year …”
42. Social life? What’s that?
43. You’ve fooled yourself into believing that colleges actually care whether you’re in IB or not.
44. You try to wake up fast enough to catch yourself sleeping – and succeed.
45. You talk to yourself in the 3rd person.
46. You write sentences on multiple choice tests.
47. It’s okay to fail, so long as you are not alone.
48. You frequently catch yourself saying “What?? We had homework??”
49. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing you’ve said it before.
50.The Sun is too loud.
51. Trees begin threatening you.
52. You can see individual air molecules vibrating.
53. While writing a TOK paper, you begin to actually understand the material.
54. You explore the possibility of setting up an IV drip of espresso.
55. You wonder if brewing is an essential step in the consumption of coffee.
56. Things become “Very Clear”.
57. You begin speaking in a language that only you and Channelers can understand.
58. You believe that if you think hard enough, you can levitate.
59. You heart beats in 7/8 time.
60. You and Reality file for divorce.
61. It appears that people are speaking to you in binary code.
62. You have great revelations concerning Life, the Universe, and Everything else, but can’t quite find the words for them before the white glow fades, leaving you more confused than before. Oh well, ice cream time!
63. You discover the aesthetic beauty of school supplies.
64. You begin to talk to yourself, then disagree about the subject, get into a nasty row about it, lose, and refuse to talk to yourself for the rest of the day.
65. You yell: “STOP TOUCHING ME!!!” even though you’re the only person in the room.
66. You manage to complete a semesters worth of homework the day before the term ends.
67. You finish your extended essay shortly after midnight. Your smile of satisfaction fades when you remember to start on your World Lit paper.
68. You’ve sold your soul â€¦ and have to wait 4 years to get it back.
69. You cloned yourself so you could sell your clones’ souls to each of your teachers.
70. Desperate to fill up your CAS hours, you claim watching a black and white movie as “creativity” and walking your dog as “activity”, and your teacher approves it.
71. You have a special “test writing sweater” that you wore to all the IB exams.
72. Your idea of impure thoughts is whether or not to copy math homework.
73. You can count your first math quiz grade on one hand.
74. You wonder if there’s SparkNotes on the Calculus book.
75. You don’t really cheat – you just tell people the answers.
76. Cheating became too difficult, so you took up telepathy.
77. You have a tab running at Barnes & Noble.
89. BN.com, amazon.com, and Books-A-Million offered to give you a free shipment/order each so you took full advantage of it and are now banned from those stores/sites (it took 6 semis to deliver the orders!)
90. You understand that the list skipped from 77 to 89 for one sole reason: LACK OF SLEEP.
91. You’ve consulted tarot cards for hints on a History test.
92. You have the library on speed dial.
93. You’ve developed an imprint of your book bag in your back.
94. Your best hope for most classes is either divine intervention or a strategically placed lightning bolt.
95. Your books weigh more than you do.
96. Your thesis for the Extended Essay is whether or not Bert and Ernie are gay.
97. Your alternate thesis for the Extended Essay is why IB jokes/checklists are so prolific and the amount of fact contained within them.
98. You plead insanity on a research paper.
99. Your plea is accepted by your teacher.
100. You do your essays on the plane ride to school.
101. You can lead your way through a frog’s intestines with your eyes closed.
102. You have to stop twice and get gas to make it all the way to school.
103. You’ve been out various times looking for the Abridged Cliff’s Notes.
104. You consider giving up going to the bathroom permanently to give you more time to study.
105. Your backpack is only comfortable when it weighs >30 pounds.
106. You have convinced your parents the “1” you received on your IB Chemistry exam was really the “top 1% of all IB students worldwide”.
107. You skip breakfast so you can get to school early to get in some extra cramming time to gain that “upper edge” on the rest of the class.
108. Your home becomes a “home away from home”.
109. You think the meaning of life is: G = -RTlnK.
110. Your favorite equation is e(iπ)+1=0
111. Said equation comes up on a test.
112. You go insane from trying to work Pythagoras’ constant and the golden rule into said equation.
113. You succeed in mathematically correctly adding above to said formula without changing number bases.
114. Pressed for time, you conclude a history essay with, “And they lived happily every after. Amen.”
115. You get into a slugging match over priority for the library photocopier.
116. It’s essential to learn to live with occasional failures.
117. Can we say EXTRA CREDIT??
118. You actually worry about the 105% you have in math.
119. You find that you overreact when you get 2 points marked off on your homework.
120. You find that you spend more time sleeping in class than at home.
121. You are 18 but can’t drive.
122. You have 15 library cards each under a different alias.
123. You searched all the books in the local public library, so you found a loophole that allowed you to check out books from the local university stacks.
124. Your list of excuses for not doing your homework is the length of Anna Karenina.
125. You exceed the 4200 word limit on the Extended Essay (by over 1000 words).
126. The simplest words you know are at least 10 letters long.
127. You ask what your summer reading assignment will be in October.
127. You come into school at 6:00am to do Biology and don’t complain.
128. You get dirty looks from the Regular Kids in your homeroom.
129. It takes more than one trip to carry the books you need between your car and your locker.
130. You carry around SAT vocab flash cards to whip out in your free time.
131. You can list all 5 definitions on vocabulary tests.
132. When you are home sick, you can’t help but wonder what work you’re missing and what your homework is.
133. When you’re watching TV, you feel guilty because not all of your homework is done.
134. That was a lie, you don’t watch TV (except for NBC News at 6).
135. You show up 4 hours late to an IB test and still manage to get a “5”.
136. During a Chemistry test, instead of doing the work, you write a random answer program in your TI-83+ Silver Edition and get the highest score in the class.
137. Your idea of great art is simultaneously graphing the sine, cosine and tangent graphs on your calculator.
138. You have functioning electrical appliances in your locker.
139. You can type 70 words per minute — on a TI-89.
140. You actually believe “mental health days” are excused absences.
141. Brewing coffee takes too long, so you just eat the beans.
142. You’re afraid of sunlight since you haven’t seen it in 3 years.
143. Breakfast?! What’s that?
144. The bags under your eyes are heavier than the ones carrying your textbooks.
145. You always seem to have one continuous headache.
146. You haven’t seen light in so long you glow in the dark.
147. You find yourself thinking “Without stress my life would be empty.”
148. Your contacts are so thick that you have trouble closing your eyes.
149. You can count the number of hours you sleep each week on one missing hand.
150. You’ve taught yourself how to take naps while walking to your next class.
151. You actually put the apostrophe in front of the word ” ’cause. ”
152. You think MTV is a formula for mass, temperature and volume.
153. You clean up your room and find a bed.
154. You wonder about things like what would happen if your car traveled at the speed of light and your turned your lights on.
155. Everything you know about sex, you learned from the English reading list.
156. You enjoy finding out the hard way why normal distribution should work.
157. It’s the little things that confuse you.
158. You have the chemical formula and steps of synthesis for caffeine memorized.
159. You still think Beavis and Butthead is a true-to-life TV show about “normal high school”.
160. You find all the “glitches” in movies.
161. You use your ToK background to analyze Winnie the Pooh’s Book of Quotations.
162. When asked what significance Hitler had to Racial Social Darwinism, you say “Well, he didn’t like Jews.”
163. You look foward to hell week because you think hell would be an improvement on your current situation.
164. You’ve mastered the art of procrastination so well that your research paper finishes printing just seconds before you have to leave for school.
165. You get to college and realize the classes you are taking seem really familiar.
166. Your college professors’ grading systems seem a little too lenient.
167. You dread the word rubric.
168. You managed to write 4,000 words on the subject “Hitler was a nice guy, wasn’t he?” (sarcasm not included)
169. You’ve managed to get through an entire year of History of the Americas without reading one page of your test book.
170. You hold “parties” to study.
171. You look forward to your parties.
172. Your fellow IBers look forward to your parties, attend them, and do actual studying there.
173. Your pick-up lines include compliments on the quality of her (his) epidermis and the wonderful shape of her (his) occipital plate.
174. You forget your brother’s name because you haven’t seen him in three years.
175. Wai t… what brother?
176. When on vacation, you visit other schools.
177. You have races with your friends to see who can say the entire periodic table of elements the fastest.
178. You’d go into severe spasms if you ever lost your IB herd.
179. You see your Extended Essay advisor more than you see your parents.
180. You talk in your sleep — in Spanish.
181. The only French you know is “J’aime manger le poission.”
182. You resort to communicating with classmates through a series of clicks because languages take too long.
183. You love the “Macarena” not because it’s a neat-o dance, but because you actually understand what those Spanish guys are saying.
184. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing you’ve said it before.
185. You no longer speak English — You speak a combination of English, German, Spanish, French, Portugese, Swedish, Dutch, Chinese, Russian, Norwegian, Hebrew, Arabic, Japanese, Korean, and Polish.
186. Fellow IBers understand and use the same combined language.
187. You convert it to 36-bit words converted to hexadecimal numbers to communicate as it is faster.
188. You write a text-to-speech program that uses this hexadecimal linguistic conglomerate.
189. You modify your text-to-speech program so that it also works as speech-to-text, and is eerily accurate.
190. You know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water.
191. You scoff at othersâ€™ lowly TI-83s while you caress your TI-93+ with pride.
192. You debate about physics during lunch â€¦ and usually win.
193. You know the chemical composition of the ugly brown stains on the ceiling tiles.
194. Your calculators are an extension of your body.
195. You feel guilty if you go more than a week without homework or some form of schooling.
196. You’re sad, because you can only take four HL tests.
197. You hack the schoolâ€™s network and duplicate your records so that you can take another three HLs, then merge the records together after you take your senior IB exams.
198. You actually think you have a shot at passing the physics HL exam.
199. You make a date to do homework together and you actually do.
200. You derive formulas for fun. From first principles.
201. You write your “What is Truth?” ToK paper entirely in Newspeak.
202. You celebrate pi day (3/14), mole day (10/23), and pi approximation day (22/7 (d/m), as 22/7 is very close to pi).
203. You haven’t studied for American History all year, and the week before semester finals you think “Why should I start now?”
204. It rains and you place the umbrella over your bookbag instead of yourself.
205. You know how to spell “Baccalaureate”.
206. You crash your calculator.
207. You skip school to do homework.
208. The word “ponder” induces hyperventilation.
209. You’re American and you write everything using British spelling.
210. You focus you WHOLE LIFE around the Group 4 project.
211. You accidently type “LOOL” instead of “LOL” in an IM conversation and explain it as “Laugh out ostentatiously loud”.
212. Someone tells you to relax and you go into spasms – “Relax? RELAX?!?”
213. “It’s a beautiful day outside to do that science experiment.”
214. You are so accustomed to being stressed, that when you aren’t, you have a panic attack.
215. You sleep with your eyes half open because you don’t have the energy to close them all the way.
216. You rush to the IB workroom immediately when 2nd block ends, type up your whole 500-word essay (that you wrote on paper by hand in 1st block), print it out, and make it to 3rd block before the next bell rings.
217. The cure to your depression is concentrating on homework.
218. You start working on your presentation for History of the Americas 3 minutes after you have already started presenting.
219. You persuade your History teacher that everything you have said in that half hour of presenting makes sense and has a point, even though you don’t know what that point is.
220. When people ask you if your community service is for a crime and you reply with, “no … it’s just school.”
221. The school administrators stop everyone around you for being late, but you breeze right past.
222. You spend more time on college applications than on homework.
223. You keep your candidate number more secure than your social security number.
224. You begin to form verbs using book titles, and use them often in everyday conversation.
225. During the holiday break, instead of greeting you happily at the door, your family asks, “Who the hell are you?”
226. You’re late for graduation because you are sneaking around to do chem labs.
227. Everything you notice everywhere seems to be ”ironic” or ”symbolic” of some deeper meaning or other.
228. Your IB dropout friends from IB HL Math tell you that AP Calculus is a piece of cake, and you’re jealous.
229. Your elective is an AP and you feel like your IQ is declining rapidly while sitting in that class.
230. You are intimately familiar with all the grading scales and manipulate them to exert the bare minimum effort.
231. You finish your homework before midnight, but find some excuse to stay up until 3 AM … like compiling this list, just because it makes you laugh.
232. You can’t watch a movie without organizing who knows what and how much time is passing.
233. Forget your favorite band. The only good sounds after 10 PM are from Xerox, HP, or Lexmark.
234. Every computer in your school has a strategically saved copy of some work you did. Furthermore, you know which computers they are and what you left there.
235. Your history teacher is the one who reminds you your break starts tomorrow.
236. You go to school on senior skip day worrying about getting behind, and turns out, all your classmates are there too.
237. You freak out about class-specific or music-related school trips because of all the class and work you will be missing. Four months in advance.
238. You stay in class until the very last minute to make it onto the bus that you’re taking with the soccer team to an away game, even though players were asked to leave class 30 mins early to get ready.
239. You spend more time trying to decide when you’ll do your homework than actually doing it.
240. You get nervous when you have free time.
241. You spend more hours getting your CAS forms signed than the number of hours on written those forms, because you wait until the last minute to fill out the forms. Naturally; it would be a waste of time otherwise.
you know there’s got to be something wrong with IB when:
1. you’re at a party and you think, “this sucks, I could be doing homework right now!”
2.you argue with teachers over a 99
3.you view lunch as a short nap
When an IB student does an assignment due the next day at 12 midnight, he says: “Good, I still have 6 hours left to finish it.”
10 IB Pickup lines:
1. “You’re so hot you denature my enzymes”
2. “I’m Homozygous recessive. Wanna do a test cross?”
3. “I wish I was DNA helicase so I could unzip your jeans/genes”
4. “girl whenever I’m around you, I undergo anaerobic respiration because you take my breath away”
5. “Are you a start codon? because youre turning me on!”
6. “If i was an endoplasmic reticulum, how would you want me: smooth or rough?”
7. “Are you an asymptote? because i feel myself getting closer.”
8. “im attracted to you like the earth is attracted to the sun- with a large force inversely proportional to the distance squared.”
9. “You must be an asymptote, because all my functions bend around you.”
10. “If I were a nitrogen base, I would be adenine so I could be paired with U.”
QUOTE #1864 (AMEN)
You know you’re in IB when:
You stay up till 1 in the morning working on a project that was assigned 3 weeks ago, and then you brag about it.
Teacher: [Noticing that half the class isn’t there] What’s due tomorrow?
Class, in unison: Bio/chem IA.
Teacher: Oh. ‘Kay. [continues with lesson]
Andy: To be or not to be? That is the question. If you choose to be, don’t choose IB.
Perfection is the asymptote in an IB student’s life
Anya: Hey, Oliver, can I borrow your math portfolio?
Oliver: I’d rather lend you my firstborn child.
You know your in IB when you and another IB student have a debate that culminates in “Hitler was really not that bad of a leader…”
Chemistry Teacher: You guys will start the group 4 project next week. You will learn how to socialize with others and have fun.
IB English student: *Looking at a coke bottle* It’s amazing what paradoxes exist in this soft drink container. It appears phallic in shape, thereby appealing to a consumer’s primal desire for unmasked masculinity, yet its function as a receptacle allows us to construe it as a uterine symbol, belying our innate fascination with the feminine form.
Non IB English student: Dude, I just buy it ‘cos of the hot chicks in those TV ads.
You know you’re in IB when it physically hurts you when people forget to “safely remove” their hardware.
IB kids are basically super human. We can run on as little as one meal and four hours of sleep a day for a duration of two weeks.
IB Teacher: Today we’re going to do a creative writing piece, since you rarely get a chance to do that in IB. Find a memory in your childhood and write about it as a child narrator.
IB Student: Do we need a thesis statement?
Remember the good old days before IB when you could sleep in class and still get A’s? Well now even in my dreams I fail.
A scientist needed a young pre-university research assistant to go with him to the Amazonian rainforest for an expedition, and had narrowed it down to two people.
“Now we need a research team; to see which of you I’m going to take, I want both of you to go off and find a team; I’ll need a biologist and a chemist, to conduct research; a mathematician, to analyse the statistics involved; a Spanish speaker so we can find our way around, an Economist to evaluate to social impact of our findings; and someone proficient in English who can publish my work for me. Off you go!”
2 weeks later the two hopefuls return. One has his team of 6, all young, budding enthusiasts in their fields with excellent GCSEs and A levels in their specific areas.
“Excellent” The scientist comments, “Your team seems well suited.” The other is just standing there by himself. The A leveller looks at him bemused, but is quietly smug – clearly he has failed to find anyone to help him. The scientist turns to him and says “I don’t understand… I told you to go out and find a mathematician, an economist, a scientist, and a linguist?”
He replies “Exactly. I do the IB.”
In IB, there comes a time where you go to your parents to ask for help in a given subject
They take one look at it
“How would you like to get a tutor?”
Only in IB are your friends jealous because your mom’s a math teacher and can re-teach calculus at home.
You know your in IB when the coolest rap you ever heard was written by a classmate and it was about DNA replication.
How to bullshit an English Commentary:
1.) Find 2 themes that always work in every story. Reality VS Perception is a good one. Discovering Identity usually works for everything. If you give up, try sexual connotations.
2.) Find images that support it. The chair represents the isolation, which supports discovering identity. The book is an illusion because we can’t see what’s inside it, representing how life is covered up in mysteries. Include more as necessary.
3.) Find sounds, structure, or do anything. The indent in the paragraphs represent separation, supporting identity discovery as the narrator attempts to separate himself from the norm. The use of commas represent the pauses endured by the narrator, giving time to think, which represents reality of situations VS perceiving them. The “s” sound is a serpent. Say whatever you want with it.
4.) Anything that doesn’t fit with the above is “contrast”. Contrast is always used to support ideas, which are all the bullshit themes you came up with.
5.) Present everything you found in order. See, it’s just like a physics lab.
Of course, there’s much more, but that’s it for now. I have homework to do. The most important ones anyways.
*If you think for one second these quotes are JUST jokes, you’re sorely mistaken.*