Christmas Truce, Anyone? (Part II)
Continued from Part I
“Uh….” Joker takes a sip of his eggnog. “I dunno about you, but isn’t the Comissioner…supposed to be moderating this whole party?” He giggles and licks his lips. “I fail to see how this is making sure we don’t do something bad.” Joker lets out another cackle as both he and Harvey survey the scene in front of them.
Bruce swears loudly under his breath – again. Gordon, intent on cuddling with the dark knight, was latched onto his arm and no amount of shaking or pushing was deterring him. Instead, he seemed to be getting closer.
“Get. Off.” He growled.
Gordon squeezed tighter, his eyes half lidded and his body swaying like a corn stalk in the wind. “Noo…” He whined. “Jus’ huugg meeee baack.”
Bruce sighed, a bit desperately. This was not what he’d expected. He had never imagined having to babysit Gordon nor had he ever thought the Comissioner could be such a mess, from only eggnog. “Gordon. Please.”
Suddenly pliant, Gordon nodded and released his prisoner. “M’kkaay…Baaatman” He then smiled goofily and clumsily made his way across the room, already setting his sights on his new target. “Selllliinaaa…have some eggnog!”
Bruce couldn’t help the wide smirk from stretching across his face and happy relief from spreading in his chest at the loud anguished groan from across the room. Gordon was her problem now and she deserved to know how it felt like to have her personal space constantly invaded.
“You seem a little too happy there, Batman,” Joker said playfully, “What happened to gruff, rough, and serious?” He reached into his pockets and slipped out a small knife, twirling it between his fingertips. “Do you even knooow how to cut loose?”
“It’s a party…” Bruce trailed off before his eyes narrowed and he darted forward, snatching the blade from Joker’s nimble fingers. He ignored the exaggerated pout he received and continued. “Besides I do know how to ‘cut loose’…”
Joker hooted and elbowed Harvey. “Suure Batsy! You’re just a regular o’l party animal!”
Harvey snorted and elbowed Joker back. He peered over the rim of his cup at Batman before gulping down the rest of his drink and leaning over to the madman, whispering into his ear. Joker struggled to maintain a straight face but soon the prince of chaos was reduced to a shaking quivering mess, peals of laughter echoing throughout the room. “Hoo hoo hoo, HAR-VEY!” He gasped. “I never KNEW you were suuuuch a comediaaan!! ”
Harvey shrugged, a smile locked on half of his face, and set his cup down on a table. He patted the bristling Batman on the shoulder pityingly and strode forward to save Selina from Gordon. Someone had to, or poor Gordon would end up in a dumpster somewhere.
It was a haze. Everything was a haze. Bruce couldn’t tell which way was right or left. He clutched his cowl and groaned. Something wasn’t right here. He felt way too hot in his suit and he was itching to peel everything off; only the fear of everyone knowing who the Bat was, kept him from doing so.
“Baaats..” someone whined, “everything’s bluurry…make it stooop..”
Bruce stirred from his spot on the couch, briefly lucid enough to realize the voice was way too close at him. Eyes blearly, he looked down and saw purple…and green. Slowly his vision focused and he saw green tinged blonde hair pressed against his chest and a huddled purple suit clad body in his lap. A whimper rose from his lap as the weight shifted and he was suddenly staring into two pain filled green orbs. The face paint was streaked and half wiped off but he’d recognized those eyes anywhere. “Joker?” He breathed.
“Hnn?” Green eyes squeezed together tightly then opened, filled with more anguish than before. “Bats, what happened?” A purple gloved hand rose to his forehead and he winced. “Ohhhh…my heaaad..”
Swallowing the panic in his throat, Bruce slid his hands around Joker’s slim hips, ready to push him off. Only the frown and plain misery etched across the man’s face stopped him from doing so. Instead, his grip tightened, pulling him closer, and one hand rose to grab the man’s chin. “Joker,” He rumbled, “What. Did. You. Do?”
Joker’s eyes widened in disbelief. “You think I did something?” He massaged his temples and glared at Bruce. “Do you think this is funny? Why would I do something like this? No bombs, no explosions, no pointy things?” He thumped Bruce in the chest. “Do you even know me?”
Bruce didn’t respond and looked past his nemesis. His jaw unhinged and dropped open when he realized that everyone was in similar, if not worse, conditions.
Selina was draped on top of a table, her hair pooled around her and her mouth wide open, most likely forming a puddle of drool.
Harley and Ivy were slumped together in a corner. They were awake though, glazed eyes and dreamy sighs being the only indicators.
Bruce looked around to the other side of the room and his eyes met Bane’s confused ones. Bane’s lap, like his own, was occupied except he had a handful of unconscious John and not insulted crazy. Bane’s arms clasped more securely around John before moving him into a more comfortable position on his lap. Only briefly disorientated, Bane quickly went alert and his eyes pierced Bruce’s. “Tell me what happened.” His voice dark, accusing, and only slightly groggy through his mask.
Joker snapped at him, offended that the big brute thought his dark knight had something to do with this. “Just what are you implying here?”
About to reply, Bane was interrupted by a woozy Harvey entering the room. “I think,” he sniggered, “I think I just peed in the sink…”
They were all sitting on the floor when Selina’s voice rang out from the hallway. “I found him!”
After a few curses, gasps, and heaves, she entered the main room again with Gordon’s barely conscious form dragging behind her. “He was passed out on the ground.” A pause, and they see her tilt her head back at his body. “And he’s missing his shoes..”
She dumps his body next to Harvey and then drops down next to Ivy. “So has anyone figured out why I have such a big headache and can’t remember..” She looks at her wrist. “…what happened for the past three-ish hours?”
“Maybe it was something we ate?” Harley suggests.
“Or drank..” adds in Ivy.
They all look at her. “What?” She leans back on her hands, legs splayed out in front of her. “I mean, didn’t y’all notice how much eggnog we drank?”
“You’re right,” murmurs John. “I drank soo much…I can still feel it slosh around in my belly..” Bane nods in accordance, one of his large hands patting John’s stomach.
“Who made the eggnog?” asked Bruce, hoping it wasn’t who he thought it was.
“Harvey did.” Joker pointed. “You sonuvabitch! You drugged us!” He lunges forward, a mad grin on his face. “Lemme show you what happens to- Ecck!”
Bruce’s fingers curl over Joker’s collar and yanks him back, choking him, a bit relieved it hadn’t been Joker in charge of refreshments. “Hold it!” He snarls. “Let him explain first.”
“You’re no fun, Batsy!” Joker cries, “He ruined us and this truce-party!”
“I don’t care!”
Harvey scoots backward, frighteningly aware of the murderous intent radiating off everyone. “I..I..uh..have a confession to make!” He gulps and drags his knees up to his chest, protectively. “I…didn’t make the eggnog..”
“You LIAR!!” bellows Joker, and lunges again, this time hard enough to cause Bruce to grit his teeth in pain at having to restrain him. “LET. GO. BATMAN.” He hisses.
Bruce struggles to keep hold of the writhing lunatic and so almost misses when Bane speaks up, low and gravely. “That is an inadequate explanation and excuse so far. Please continue before I choose to harm you myself.” His gaze drops to John and softens slightly. “And if there is permanent damage…” His trails off, threat clear.
“Well…you see…I meant to do it myself, but..Crane…was a little sad that he wouldn’t be able to make it to the party sooo I thought letting him prepare the eggnog himself..would..cheer him up..” Harvey meekly confesses.
A moment of silence before Harley shrieks. “You did WHAAAT???!”
“Ow! Ow! Oww!” Howls Joker and he grips the sides of his head. “Jee-sus!! Harls, what are you,” He turns to her, features locked in a harsh grimace. “A banshee or something?!”
Selina scowls as well, agreeing with Joker. “Tone it down, my head can’t take much more!”
“Sorry…” Harley drops her gaze. “I didn’t mean to hurt nobody..”
Ivy rubs her back. “It’s okay. Now back to what Harvey was saying.” She swivels her body and leans forward. “So..you let the crazy nut make our eggnog?”
“He let Scarecrow, make our eggnog?” Gordon, finally waking up out of his stupor, chimes in somewhat confused. “You really did that?” He gives Harvey a hurt look. “Why would you do that?”
“I don’t know,” wails Harvey. “It seemed like a good idea at the time!”
“Nevermind that.” They turn to Bane. “What’s important, is if it was dangerous.”
“I..I don’t know.”
“Well,” sighs Joker, “there’s no other choice. We need to puke up everything – just to make sure.” He claps his hands together energetically and smirks. “Who’s gonna let me punch them in the gut, first?” He sneers at Bruce and hiccups a breathy laugh. “How ’bouts it Bats? Feelin’ braaave?”
Sooo, two things: I thought I’d get this up on Christmas, but friends came over and that just wasn’t going to happen. Annnnd, instead of only being two parts, it’ll be three. Either way, I will finish it.
Poor Harvey, why didn’t you make the eggnog yourself…
Last is Part III
Posted on December 28, 2013, in My Writings, Prompts/Challenges, Short Stories and tagged Bane, Batman, Bruce, Crack, drugged, eggnog, fanfiction, Fluff, Gordon, Harley, Harvey, Ivy, John, Joker, panic, Part II, Scarecrow, Selina. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.