“Cash, sweets. Cash”

“I’m broke.”

“Yes, I know this. You’ve only repeated it five times already.”

“I’m just making sure you’re clear on this: I’m broke.”

“Got it.”

“No, you dont got it.”

“Why say that?”

“Because you haven’t put away your hand yet!”

“My hand?”

“Yes, your hand! Put it away.”

“Put it away, don’t put away. What difference does it make?”

“It’s the difference between begging and not begging!”

“Quite wrong, good sir. You are quite wrong. I could be asking for a handshake.”

“But you aren’t. It’s money you’re asking and it’s money I don’t got .”

“That is a big dilemna. For you and me.”

“Yes! Wai- what?”


“Just put away your hand!”

“No thanks.”


“Frankly, it’s no business of yours on what I do with my hands, unless, of course, they are touching your person. Are they touching you? Hmm?”



“…You’re doing it again!”

“Doing what?”

“Keeping me here! Well, it’s not going to work, I can leave whenever I want!”

“That you can. So why haven’t you?”




“No answer, yes?”

“I haven’t left because…”


“…because I don’t want to. There.”

“This isn’t helping your case, you know.”

“Case? What case? I have no case. Not with you and not with anyone.”

“A bit edgy there aren’t ya? Mind chattin’ about it? Getting it off your chest might help.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“I beg to differ, but alright. How about we get back to the matter at hand.”


He saw a flash of gold mixed with white. A grotesque smile.

“Cash, sweets. Cash.”

“I don’t have any! Blast it all! There’s no getting through to you is there?”

“I’n a simple man with a simple thing on my mind. I’m hungry.”

“Not my problem.”

“If I die, it will be.”

“If you die I’ll be relieved.

“A tad harsh, dontcha think?”

“Not harsh enough!”

“Got five dollars?”


“Nothin’ at all?”


“Swear it.”


“Swear it. Swear on your mother.”

“I think not.”

“So you do have money.”

“Fine! I have some money. Happy?

“It took us only six tries to get there, so I’m tickled pink. Congrats.”

“I’m not giving you anything.”

“That’s fine.”

“I need that money.”

“That’s cool.”

“So you aren’t getting a dime.”

“Cool beans.”

“I’m a good person.”

“I never said you weren’t.”

“I’m leaving now.”


The man walked stiffly, quickly away from the bum.

Aftrr he disappeared, Rolland stood up and stretched his limbs. He took off his fake beard and reached into his mouth to pull out the fake gold plastic he’d mangaed to keep wrapped around his tooth. He tugged off his ragged coat to reveal a designer brand t-shirt underneath and let it fall to the ground. Then, he jumped and wiggled out of the ridicuously baggy, dirty sweatpants, finally freeing his jean clad legs from the mess.

“Ahhh…” he sighed. It felt great.

Rolland grabbed the dump that was his disguise and put it in his book bag he had kept hidden in the alley nearby. Then he slung the bag over one shoulder and began to whistle a cheery tune, as he strolled off.

He really needed to find a new hobby. Soon. Pretending to be a bum after school just wasn’t cutting it. The people who actually stopped weren’t as fun to mess with anymore.

Maybe he’d try to be a lost tourist next.


Posted on November 28, 2013, in My Writings, Short Stories and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. Fantastic dialogue, though there is a spelling mistake in the fifth to last paragraph. ‘After’ not ‘Aftrr’

  2. Its very rare to find a dialog written well enough to follow, and whats more even makes you chuckle along the way! Love the unexpected end, and the smart alack not-beggar. 😛
    Needless to say, I will now be stalking your blog.

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